I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
