Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize