WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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