I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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