I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
