Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
