She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize