I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
