Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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