I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize