this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sex in a hospital.. check
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
