Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
