Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
