The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
