my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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