They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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