I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
