I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
