Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
NoShamevember. You game?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
