the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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