I think my fart just growled at me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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