you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
