somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
