I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
