Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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