I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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