so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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