I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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