All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
