that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
