Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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