Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
