dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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