I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
