I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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