also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
