you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
