3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's always time for handjobs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize