Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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