I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
