He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
