I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
