I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
