just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
