My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
