so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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