i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
