SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
