dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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