Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
