I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
