I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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