I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
