My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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