I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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