It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My hand turned me down
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
