Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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