I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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