there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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