Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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