Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
