I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
