I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
