i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
