Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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