Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize