the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
