oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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