you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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