Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
