Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
