I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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