i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize