I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
