I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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