SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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