Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
