Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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