i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
