So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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