just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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