Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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