I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
