Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
