You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
