Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do vagina's smell?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
