I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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