yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
