so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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