Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
