it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
