he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
