i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
