he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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