I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this will be a night to untag.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
