U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
