Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
