I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
