I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
