Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
