He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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