Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
