She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
